The challenge when we are faced with any obstacle, at least for me, is figuring out how to conquer it. And, if you are anything like me, you might be used to making things happen in your life. You might be used to being able to power through to find solutions and make changes. You may also be used to getting results quickly. Having major depression can be especially difficult for this type of personality–at least it was for me.
Faced with this seemingly massive and endless challenge, the thought of overcoming it as a whole is extremely overwhelming. Questions like, “How will I get through this?” When will I get better?” “How will I face everything I have to do in my life each day?” might go through your mind in the beginning. To provide an analogy, facing this challenge, for me, was the equivalent of being placed at the bottom of Mount Everest with the only option being to climb it. It’s huge and the idea of scaling it is overwhelming and scary. Just like there’s no such thing as a quick climb up Everest, major depression is not something you can “fix” or overcome quickly or even easily. Thinking of the depression as a whole and how you will get through it can be very overwhelming and lead, as we talked about in a previous post, to feelings of hopelessness.
How, then, do we work through it? The answer, for me, required a paradigm shift in my life. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why this was happening and how to make it better. I wanted to fix it–to “make things happen.” I learned, however that this was futile. There were no answers to the questions I was asking. There was nothing I could do to change it.
Instead of facing the mountain head on, I focused on just the steps right in front of me, or in other words, on the immediate. The answer for me was to stop thinking about the long term; to not worry about 2 months from now or next week or even tomorrow. Forget about the big picture of healing and just to focus on getting through today. I did not know how everything was going to work out, but I could handle thinking of what I needed right now–today.
Being able to let go of any sense of control I thought I had over the situation actually proved to be very empowering for me. Why? Because I learned at this point to rely on God. I would pray for help overcoming the challenges of today. I learned that God would provide me with the peace and the hope and strength to get through today. I learned to let Him work out the answers and the big picture of how it was going to work out. I began to see I could rely on Him to provide for my need from minute to minute. This video illustrates my point further and reflects my own experience with relying on God.
Referring again to the analogy of Mount Everest, I learned that the healing process of depression is, in reality, very much like the process of climbing this great peak. As illustrated here, the safest way to climb mount Everest involves a lot of time. And while the quickest way up the mountain is in a straight line, it is safest to acclimate the body to the different levels of altitude. This involves climbing up the peak to a certain point, and staying there for a time before descending back down. Little by little, after doing this several times, the body gets used to the altitude and reduced levels of oxygen gradually, making the ascent safer by hopefully avoiding serious illness due to the harsh conditions present on the mountain.
How is this like healing from depression? Like the climb up Everest, it is not a direct descent from your lowest point to your peak emotional state. There will be improvements over time but it will be likely be slow and incremental. Often times you will feel the “2 steps upward, one step down” effect occurring throughout. Being prepared with this knowledge in advance can help you stay hopeful when you feel yourself digressing from time to time or when progress seems painfully slow. You will continue to improve overall.
To recap, facing the challenge of depression can be overwhelming and scary. Instead of focusing on the problem as a whole, focus on today. Be prepared to let go of your need to have all the answers and instead rely on God to take care of you day by day. As you begin to heal and make progress, recognize that you will still have ups and downs but this is not a cause for dismay. Keep moving forward, today, with hope.
Deep Waters 